The latest installment of Doug Rains’ War of the Roses campaign was fought this past Saturday night at the club. Fought was the Summer season of battle and seven players took part. Another bloody battle ensued, which can best be told by our silver tongued chronicler, Sir Douglas…
England
1456 A.D.
Summer
As your Chronicler I cannot help but comment on the missive dispatched to you all by Lord Luis. (See Below) It would appear that he fancies himself something of a Chronicler himself. I find it reminiscent of a small boy rushing ahead to tell everyone the secret. While I must admit that he is quite proficient at illuminating his manuscripts his prose is somewhat disappointing. While perhaps sufficient for the French, it is quite lacking with the more refined reader. With that said.
Summer arrived and with it another meeting of the Bastards of St Albans. Sir Brian, Baronet of Firenze and Sir Robert of Elmwood were both called away on pressing family business and missed muster. Sir Jonathan, Baronet of Lizard Rock was also missing and no word has been heard for some time. Perhaps said rock has fallen on him.
The House of Lancaster was represented by Sir Jeffery, Baronet of Meadow Park, C-I-C (A truly questionable choice for C-I-C. Luck of the draw I suppose. One only hopes Lancaster can survive until there can be another draw!), Sir Edward of Lexington, Lord Douglas, Baron of Monteagle and Sir Andrew, Baronet of Plume. The House of York was represented by Sir Joseph of Churchwood, C-I-C, Sir Douglas of Mackie and Lord Luis, Baron de la Rochelle.
Lancaster controlled the Towns and so had choice of field. York controlled the Bishops and so controlled the matching of opponents.
Sir Jeffery set up on the extreme left of the field facing a small hamlet (Perhaps he thought there might be an orphanage to ravage?) and then proceeded to question the disposition of everyone else on the Lancaster side. Sir Edward, Master of the Hills, set up on the center left where he was unfortunately denied access to the single hill. Lord Douglas set up on the center right and Sir Andrew set up on the far right. Facing them, Sir Douglas set up on the center left, Sir Joseph set up on the center right and Lord Luis set up on the far right. As can be seen from this disposition, Sir Douglas had the daunting task of confronting both Sir Jeffery and Sir Edward. Historically, Sir Douglas has been either wildly successful or just as wildly unsuccessful. Unfortunately for Lancaster this day was the former.
As the battle began, Lord Douglas and Sir Andrew pushed forward quickly. Sir Edward no doubt disappointed by having no hill to climb moved forward a little more slowly. Sir Jeffery, blessed with the office of Marshal of England, ensuring movement aplenty, rushed the empty village and lost all cohesion among his forces with at one point nine separate groups of elements thus ensuring that coherent movement was not going to happen. (Who knows, perhaps they were chasing orphans.) On the York side, Sir Douglas refused the left flank and prepared for the eventual onslaught of Sir Edward and Sir Jeffery. Sir Joseph and Lord Luis both advanced quickly toward the foe. Lord Douglas’ Archers crested the hill and were quite dismayed to see a line of Pikes and Blades coming up the other side. Lord Douglas’ Blades on the other hand faced Sir Douglas’ Archers and were in much better spirits. On the far right Sir Andrew ended up engaged with Lord Luis in most unsatisfying matchups. His Spears plunged into the woods to fight Lord Luis’ Archers while his own Archers engaged Blades on the far side of the woods. Sir Andrew’s Pikes engaged Blades on the near side of the woods but were unable to make much headway. Back on the extreme left, Sir Jeffery still milled around the town although a couple of elements were now proceeding toward Sir Douglas’ army. Sir Edward had also begun to close with Sir Douglas and traded a few shots. Sir Andrew lost an element leaving a gap between his army and Lord Douglas. Lord Luis ran an element of Hobilars through the gap and placed them butt first against Sir Andrew’s Warband engaged to the fore by Blades. Given the choice of Blades to the front and a miasma of gas to the rear, the brave fellows chose to die where they stood. Back on the hill, Lord Douglas’ Blades were having some success dispatching the Archers facing them the same cannot be said for his own Archers. The Hare may stand off the Hound for a moment or two, but after three or four they begin to fall. While asking for assistance from Sir Edward and Sir Andrew, Lord Douglas fed in his Knights and Hobilars as the Archers fell and really should have swept Sir Joseph’s troops off the hill. Alas it was not to be. Sir Edward and Sir Andrew were both fully occupied though Sir Andrew did send his Hobilars to assist Lord Douglas. Lord Douglas’ army dissolved and in the end even the Lord’s bodyguard fell to the combined forces of Sir Douglas, Sir Joseph and Lord Luis and alas, Beaufort, Duke of Somerset, 4th Heir to Lancaster was captured. Sir Andrew was also in great peril (and not the good kind) and even though one of Andrew’s Pikes held out against three time their number for three turns they too eventually lost heart and fled the field. With his army gone Sir Andrew, fled the field. While this brought Lancaster to the brink of disaster it also preserved the Lancaster Heir he was guarding. While 1 for 10 for gallant, probably 10 for 10 for prudent. On the left, Sir Douglas had been fighting against Sir Edward, some elements of Lord Douglas and finally a couple of elements from Sir Jeffery who had finally moved some of his troops through the town and into the battle. Sir Douglas actually managed to kill some Knights and Archers in close combat with Artillery. In the end Sir Douglas was overwhelmed and his forces fled the field. Sir Edward and Sir Jeffery now faced off against Sir Joseph who held Sir Edwards hill. With Lancaster on the brink of disaster, Sir Jeffery sent his Hobilars to sack the York camp with the said mission to rescue Queen Margaret. They did not get there. (Your Chronicler suspects they were actually hoping for more orphans.) With one last assault against the hill, Sir Edward lost an element of Pikes and the Lancaster forces fled the field.
In the Parlay after Battle, the Yorkist victors unanimously decided to remove the head of our beloved Queen. Sir Joseph then promoted himself to Baronet. ( I suppose he had to. No one else was going to do it.) Sir Douglas was also promoted to Baronet for his gallant defense on the right.
Finally your chronicler feels compelled to comment on the death of the Queen at the hand of Sir Joseph. It had already been determined that she had been a French Maid and according Sir Joseph quite good at it. If that was true one cannot help but be reminded of the song Everybody Ought to have a Maid. For those unfamiliar with it please see the attached performance. After viewing, please consider the fact that Sir Joseph in possession of just such a coveted trophy responded by cutting off her head. I find that very disturbing. Perhaps given the choice of cluttering up the bedroom and buttering up the master, Sir Joseph chose to remain unbuttered.
Your Chronicler
And shown below is Sir Luis’ report on the action:
For those following the CSGA War of the roses Campaign here is the current status.
While I will save the full details to the great chronicler. I wish to send a brief message to those who could not be with us.
I am pleased to report the House of York as avenged the murder of our lord. Through swift and decisive action the sons of the late Duke have lead our forces to victory.
Margaret of Anjou (the French Harlot) was executed for her part in the death of our Duke. Cries that she was captured and held by opposing forces during the murder of our Duke were relevant. Off with her head!
So the campaign season continues with one victory per house. And all I can say is Hail to the future kings baby!